Cut tofu into 4 thin rectangles. Place 4 stacked sheets of paper towel on a cutting board, arrange tofu on top, then cover with 4 more sheets of paper towel and top with a sheet pan and a heavy pot. Allow to drain for about 30 minutes.
When tofu is done draining preheat oven to 425°. In a small bowl whisk together sesame oil, zest of lemon, and a heavy pinch of salt and pepper. Place carrots on one half of a sheet pan and toss with oil mixture. Transfer to oven.
In a shallow bowl whisk together egg with 1 tbsp Dijon mustard and set aside. Place pistachios in a blender or food processor and blend until they are about the size of coarse breadcrumbs. Combine pistachios, breadcrumbs, sesame seeds, coriander, 1 tsp salt, and 1/2 tsp pepper in a shallow bowl.
Dip tofu slices, one at a time, into egg mixture and then dredge on all sides in pistachio mixture. Remove sheet pan from oven and add tofu. Bake for 20 minutes, flipping tofu and carrots halfway through.
Meanwhile heat olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add kale and a pinch of salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, for 2-3 minutes until kale has wilted. Stir in 1 cup water, 2 tbsp Dijon mustard, and couscous. Bring to a low boil then cover, reduce heat to low and cook for 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until al dente.
Divide couscous amongst plates or bowls and top with tofu and carrots.